Insecurities! Normal or OTT? 

I have always been a fairly insecure person, unfortunately the more I’ve been hurt the more insecure I’ve become. 

I believe every new relationship has insecurities, and that it’s fairly normal to take a while to let your guard down with someone and trust them, however, when do normal insecurities become too much? When do you pass the stage of normal? 

I’ve been dating someone new for a month now although I have known him since I was 11. (I’m nearly 27 now) I have all the normal insecurities, the ones I think most women experience and maybe even some men. 

1. Am I enough?

There are always the initial thoughts of ‘am I pretty enough?’ ‘Am I smart enough?’ ‘Am I funny enough?’ I think most people have these thoughts when in a new relationship but please correct me if I’m wrong. 

2. How do I compare to his exes? 

This is a big one for me that I often struggle with, I know it’s not healthy to compare yourself to someone else and if the roles were reversed and he wondered how he compared to my ex then I’d have to say there is no comparison, he’s an ex for a reason and if I wanted to be with him then I still would be, yet even knowing that would be my answer I still can’t help thinking whether or not he thinks about his ex. 

3. Am I driving him away?

The major issue, are my insecurities too much to handle? Is my need for reassurance pressing on his last nerves and am I actually sabotaging something amazing by worrying about whether or not I’m going to sabotage it? (Does that make sense?) I do not share my insecurities with him, or at least I try to keep them to a minimum, yet that fear is always there. 

Don’t think by what I’ve said that I do not trust him because I honestly would put my life in his hands and know with certainty that I would be safe. He will always protect me and he always wants what’s best for me. I never thought I would find someone who could come into my life and love not only me but my daughter too. Yet I have, every moment we all spend together I see more and more of a bond growing between him and her and it thrills me, yet I also need to know he’s in it for the long haul before she gets too attached, it would be one thing for me to handle the heartache but I wouldn’t want her to go through it too. Anyone experienced a similar situation? 

90% of the time I do not think about these things, I can just live in the moment and enjoy all the exciting parts of being in love but then there’s just a day now and again where I’m filled with doubt and can’t do anything about it. 

Please tell me I’m not the only one? 

Much love 

X

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